Disconnected, Separated, and Reconnecting

This year didn't go in the way I thought, but when does it ever? As much as we plan, the Lord ultimately has control. I haven't blogged in a while. Finding time among the chaos is hard enough, but I've been disconnected from the world wide web for four weeks! Four weeks people! I have to say it wasn't total torture because of the wonderful thing called a tablet with 4G! But it just isn't the same as being able to sit down and work at a full computer.

For those that have been following my crazy life, we had been living four hours north of my where my husband is stationed. He would visit occasionally, which made it better than a deployment, but separation is never easy. Life at Isaiah's Place is a wonderful thing and an amazing opportunity. My kids loved the freedom of country life, Short Stuff was in her "element", and I had the great company of two beloved friends. But a family separated is never healthy, no matter how worthy the reason.

So we packed up our 35' camper, said our good-byes, and moved down south to be closer to dad. Two weeks we camped out at family and visited. The third week we cleaned and painted the rent house. And the fourth week . . . we spent eight+ hours on the road one saturday loading and unloading our belongings, putting everything in its place and unpacking, and making another trip to Isaiah's Place. Ahhh . . . I can breathe a little now.

Photo courtesy of Dina Lea Photography

But this move brought with it a new separation. Short Stuff is now living at Isaiah's Place. And loving it, I might add. We reconnected with dad, but lost Short Stuff. This mama has had to let go a little sooner than normal, but she is such her mother's child. She thrives with independence and Isaiah's Place offers a perfect environment: a combination of access to communication and horses! She does her school work independently and with Diane. She loves having control of her schedule, since she is much more OCD than me. Life without her is different and required some adjusting, but we are all doing well.

Now that we are settled yet again, I am trying to bring some normalacy to life. Get a schedule going. Trying to teach the olders while the youngers stay busy. Support my husband while he finishes school. And enjoy being together.

Mixing School and Life

Apparently I am not the only homeschooler out there that is having a hard time balancing school and life. That is how this post has come to be.

Not all moments are that blissful is my house, but we do have a few. I do miss my big cushy chair, but we still enjoy a good book together. It's finding those moments that is getting more and more difficult. (If you notice this blissful moment is back when I only had 4 children.)

I love having a large family and don't regret one moment of it. And to most people's shock, I do want more children. My hard-headed, determined self is gonna find a way to handle all my chaos.

We had much better school days when no one was leaning over my shoulder. I know accountability is a good thing, so I'm not dissing that. But when mama wasn't stressed, the kids weren't stressed and we had much calmer school days.

My other problem is my love of doing and seeing and being. I love being involved in activities, especially when it has to do with my kids. I love leading and teaching. And I love being able to help support my family when the opportunity presents itself.

Every year I start out thinking I will simplify my schedule. I limit myself to this and that. This year I limited myself to Isaiah's Place. Simple enough, right? Well I am also good at creating projects and I have! I love it! But just a couple months in and I am yearning for balance!

I have some great ideas I am going to try over the next few weeks and will be sharing them here if they work! So stay tuned! The Lord has put a few things on my heart and I'm going to listen. 

A Life of Ministry

We are finally settling into a routine here at Isaiah's Place. We busy ourselves with events on weekends, vocational opportunities for my high schooler, school for the others and ranch duties. But living here in the midst of serving people, I am reminded of the ministry I have been called to.

I love being a part of this deaf ministry. I love helping Diane reach her goals and dreams. I love making people happy after enjoying a home cooked meal. I love my kids being able to serve here too. But my first ministry is that to my home, my husband and my children.

Kirk Cameron posted a beautiful blog by J.R. Miller that really encouraged and reminded me to stay the course and put my home ministry first. You can read that here.

Home happiness depends on the wife.

Her spirit gives the home its atmosphere.

Her hands fashion its beauty.

Her heart makes its love.

Of course I want that! Of course I want to be the provider of all that to my family! So as much as I love Isaiah's Place, I must make my family ministry my priority. And part of that is met thru Isaiah's Place, but I must not let it take over. I am writing this blog post mainly to myself as a reminder, but for those that have made it this far, I pray it has served as a reminder for you too.

My home may be small and on wheels, but I can still make it beautiful, inviting, and peaceful. 

Simplicity is Calling

For those that have known me a long time, know I am not normal. I don't try to follow the Jones', I don't have a better homes and gardens home, and I don't keep up with the latest fashions. Who says any of that is normal anyway? I enjoy the crazier side of life.

We sold our house in 2006 and moved our family of 5 into a 5th wheel trailer. Story can be found here. We lived in that trailer for the best part of 3 years. Loved it, but moved into a house at our first duty station. There we decided to do the farm thing. That story can be found here. Soon we couldn't afford that and moved into town. Our first time as a family to live in town.

It ruined us! Ugh! I loved being close to friends and driving was much shorter. It was cheaper. But I had to find ways to entertain children. And they became infested with stuffitis and me-attitude. Then you had to deal with the world at your door watching everything you do. Which in turn made me worry about what they thought about this overly sized homeschooling family. And my husband felt like he was in a cage.

Our next move, courtesy of the army, we moved to the country again while my husband lives on post to attend school. We love country life! And Isaiah's Place is a God send. Yet I still find I am fighting stuffitis. Once it has infiltrated your home, it is hard to get rid of. And it moved with us. Plus I'm really tired of picking up the stuff.

I felt the need to keep a showcase home (never achieved that). I felt I had to have high achieving academic children (don't have that either). I had so much performance pressure in town that I never experienced before. No one told me I had to acheive these things. But living in town changed me. Now I'm struggling to let it go and enjoy homeschooling again. Be able to get thru the day and smile at the mess, instead of letting it turn me into a beast. I like a clean house, just like the rest of us. But it shouldn't control me, nor should it zap the joy out of our home.

Simplicity is calling. Having few belongings, having less than 400sqft living space, and having few bills is simple and freeing. I hear it whispering in my ear.

Cravings

I walked into a gas station to buy a bag of ice this evening. I walked in and wondered down the cooler isle, eyeballing all the sodas and starbucks beverages. I even made a swing past the ice cream display. But eventually I dragged myself to the counter and bought only the bag of ice I came for.

That was hard.

Let me back up. I was the disgusting girl at school who could eat junk ALL day and still slip into a size 3 pair of Rocky Mountain jeans. (dating myself there.) My senior year I lived off of Reces and Dr. Pepper. Literally. Finding myself pregnant, I went cold turkey on the soda only to pick it back up after I had the baby. Fast forward to three kids later, I'm still downing the DP. But it got to the point where my stomach would burn so badly after drinking soda that I decided to do a cold turkey again.

Two long weeks of cravings and I was free of Dr. Peppers!! But that is all I quit. I still had a crazy metabolism, had dizzy spells, tummy problems, headaches, etc. Things I had lived with for years not knowing that that wasn't normal. As the dizzy spells got worse, we started to do reasearch. I had all the symptoms of hypoglycemia. I cut the sugar and became a whole new person! My emotional roll coasters didn't exist anymore. Headaches disappeared. I felt great.

I was 90% sugar free for 4+ years. Dr. Pepper free for 6 years.

Then we moved to town. Then we moved again, a stressful move. I succumed and drank Dr. Pepper. Then the house we moved into had awful tasting water. Dr. Pepper became my daily friend, as did headaches, tummy aches, lack of energy, and dizzy spells. Except now I'm older and don't bounc back so easily.

You think it would be easy to just say no, I don't want to feel this way. But it isn't. The sound of a can popping open, still gets me everytime. Watching another drink a soda is hard. The cooler isle at the gas station is tempting, so very tempting.

I had a bad blood sugar "episode" yesterday. I ate a lot of brownies and drank a Dr. Pepper. First one of the week, but still drank one. When I have an "episode" I talk like a drunk that is trying to not sound drunk. I'm spinning to where sitting in a chair takes great concentration. I have to wet my lips, but my tongue just doesn't know how to find them. My eyes lose the ability to focus making walking or driving dangerous.

I ate my protein and laid down. Waited for it to pass. Only to wake up the next morning, still recovering as it takes a day or two to recover, and ate a sweet roll for breakfast and two brownies for snack. Why would I do this to myself?

The lack of self control is embarrasing.

So you see, walking thru that gas station isle tonight was tempting and hard to walk away with only ice. But I said no! And everyday I will be faced with many opportunites to say no. I share this because so many people don't really understand how hard it is to say no. It's an addiction. There is a comfort in the sound of the pop of the can and the fizz that makes its way out. That desire cries out and I momentarily forget how awful it makes me feel, so I eat another or drink more. It is shameful.

I am weak, but through Christ I will be made strong.

"...God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

I Love Being Your Mother!

I am currently working through The Power of Motherhood by Nancy Campbell. Chapter one she tells us to wake up in the morning and tell our kids how much we love being their mom, even if we don't feel it. And although there are days where I don't feel like I want to be a mom, I always love being "their" mom. I love my kids and how each one has their own distinct personality.

These lonely parenting days are exhausting. Many days I just want to fall into bed, but instead have to sleep squished between two boys, two boys who don't seem to sleep a whole night through. But somehow God has given me the energy to wake up and feed the troops and eventually get school rolling. Only to fall over at noon only to discover that I need to feed them . . . again.

I have been asked many rude questions about why I have so many children, I have been gawked at because I homeschool and told how impossible it would be for them, and I have had so many think supermom thoughts my way because I like to cook from scratch and have an undying love for things homemade. Let me assure you I am not supermom. I jokingly refer to myself that way, but total sarcasm. I have more children because I do enjoy being a mom . . . most of the time. I homeschool because I chose to watch my kids grow and learn and I wanted to learn with them. And I cook from scratch and make homemade goodies because I also need a creative outlet.

So even though I went to bed crying tonight over my inability to calm a fussy child, I will wake up in the morning and say to my children, "I love being your mother."

An Introduction

I don't have a lot of time. I'm a busy mom, single mom at the time while hubby is away at army school. But I felt the desire to journal this next year. So here it is. A blog that I can simply write my thoughts, share our silly times, and reflect on what we learned.

This year I will be living near Isaiah's Place. Isaiah's Place, lovingly called IP, is a deaf retreat center on a small horse ranch in Whitney, TX. We have been visiting there for 10 years and even was blessed to live and serve there for 3 months a while back. Here we are again. Able to serve and work at a place where we feel God and see God.

This year will be a year of opportunities, changes, growing up, separation, and so much more. I will share pictures, maybe a video or two, recipes, stories, and scripture. I can't promise when I will write, but as I have time, I will write.