Cravings

I walked into a gas station to buy a bag of ice this evening. I walked in and wondered down the cooler isle, eyeballing all the sodas and starbucks beverages. I even made a swing past the ice cream display. But eventually I dragged myself to the counter and bought only the bag of ice I came for.

That was hard.

Let me back up. I was the disgusting girl at school who could eat junk ALL day and still slip into a size 3 pair of Rocky Mountain jeans. (dating myself there.) My senior year I lived off of Reces and Dr. Pepper. Literally. Finding myself pregnant, I went cold turkey on the soda only to pick it back up after I had the baby. Fast forward to three kids later, I'm still downing the DP. But it got to the point where my stomach would burn so badly after drinking soda that I decided to do a cold turkey again.

Two long weeks of cravings and I was free of Dr. Peppers!! But that is all I quit. I still had a crazy metabolism, had dizzy spells, tummy problems, headaches, etc. Things I had lived with for years not knowing that that wasn't normal. As the dizzy spells got worse, we started to do reasearch. I had all the symptoms of hypoglycemia. I cut the sugar and became a whole new person! My emotional roll coasters didn't exist anymore. Headaches disappeared. I felt great.

I was 90% sugar free for 4+ years. Dr. Pepper free for 6 years.

Then we moved to town. Then we moved again, a stressful move. I succumed and drank Dr. Pepper. Then the house we moved into had awful tasting water. Dr. Pepper became my daily friend, as did headaches, tummy aches, lack of energy, and dizzy spells. Except now I'm older and don't bounc back so easily.

You think it would be easy to just say no, I don't want to feel this way. But it isn't. The sound of a can popping open, still gets me everytime. Watching another drink a soda is hard. The cooler isle at the gas station is tempting, so very tempting.

I had a bad blood sugar "episode" yesterday. I ate a lot of brownies and drank a Dr. Pepper. First one of the week, but still drank one. When I have an "episode" I talk like a drunk that is trying to not sound drunk. I'm spinning to where sitting in a chair takes great concentration. I have to wet my lips, but my tongue just doesn't know how to find them. My eyes lose the ability to focus making walking or driving dangerous.

I ate my protein and laid down. Waited for it to pass. Only to wake up the next morning, still recovering as it takes a day or two to recover, and ate a sweet roll for breakfast and two brownies for snack. Why would I do this to myself?

The lack of self control is embarrasing.

So you see, walking thru that gas station isle tonight was tempting and hard to walk away with only ice. But I said no! And everyday I will be faced with many opportunites to say no. I share this because so many people don't really understand how hard it is to say no. It's an addiction. There is a comfort in the sound of the pop of the can and the fizz that makes its way out. That desire cries out and I momentarily forget how awful it makes me feel, so I eat another or drink more. It is shameful.

I am weak, but through Christ I will be made strong.

"...God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13